Brokenness

I had a "moment" today. I was singing along to the song "Holiness" during the opening worship session of our Ladies Bible Study. If I have sung this song once, I have song it a thousand times... "holiness, holiness, is what I long for.... holiness is what I need.... holiness, holiness is what you want from me..... So, take my heart and Form it, take my Mind and Transform it, Take my will and Conform it... to yours, to yours, oh Lord."

Perhaps you sing this song in your church too. Well, one of the last verses we sing is "Brokenness, brokenness, is what I long for... brokenness is what I need... etc. " I seriously had to stop myself and say "WHAT? Am I seriously saying out loud that I long to be broken... that I need to be broken !! How can I say that? I hate to be in that place where I feel so alone and broken and everything is going wrong and it feels like I don't have a single person in this world that understands me. It's such a deep, dark place and I DO NOT long to be in that place... I DO NOT need to be in that pit. But here I am singing that this is my desire. Wouldn't we all just rather be in our "happy" place where we are all put together and we know that Jesus loves us and everything is great in our universe? Wouldn't be so much easier to sing a song that says I'm Not Broken, So Please Don't Fix Me? Easier, yes.... but better for us? No.

I came to the conclusion that I do indeed need to be broken... I do need Jesus... I do need to get to the place where nothing else matters but Him. I do LONG to be close to him... but how can I get close to Him if I don't let him into every little area of my heart? Into those little dark corners.. into those areas that need to be broken down in order for him to form me, transform me and conform me.

Thank you Lord for being the only one who can form something beautiful out of shattered, broken pieces.