Ten

I've been in a sad state for several days and didn't really put two and two together until yesterday. You see, today marks 10 years that my mom passed away. I'd like to say that it doesn't affect me.. that you "get over" it. But you don't. In fact, this day hurts so bad every year. You realize that time has marched on... life continued...but you weren't able to share your trials and victories with that special someone. Do I wish things were different? That's a tricky question. If my Mom would have been able to live a healthy, vibrant life... of course! But would she have continued on a path of cancer filled with pain, suffering and discomfort? How can you wish that on someone you love?

You'll have to excuse me if I'm somber. It's just that in some ways I feel she missed the best part of my life... my wedding, the birth of my child, etc. The last ten years was me living out my dream! But my dream never included my mom not being here for it. But, God knows... God is still faithful and she is in a better place. I guess in her eyes, she might say that she was here for the best years... when I was little, finding my way in this world, making choices, and learning to lean on Jesus through every trial in life. Before she passed away, she told me that she wasn't worried about me. Even though I was still single and my brother and sister already were married, she told me that she knew I would be okay. She took my hand and looked me in the eye and told me that she was proud of me and that I just needed to hold on to Jesus- no matter what life threw at me.

So, please just think of my family today and send some prayers up for us. I guess I'll just close in between my tears by thanking God for a wonderful Mom and the years we were blessed to have her with us.