Trust... do you trust easily? Or is it earned? Can you meet someone, immediately get a "vibe" from them and determine whether or not they can be trusted? I have to admit, that for the majority of my life, I was not a very trusting individual. I think 90% of that was because of the fact that I was raised in a metropolitan area where we were taught street smarts probably before I even knew my A,B,Cs. It's not that I didn't want to trust people as I got older, but I learned that I had to be around them for a bit, quietly observe them in words and action, form my opinion and then I can let my guard down and be myself.
When I first arrived at college, the administration had set up little small groups for all incoming freshmen. It was assigned alphabetically by last name and there were about 15 or so in a small group. I loathed these once a week get togethers. I totally felt like an outsider... city girl trying to find her way in the country. Totally out of my element and, at this point, only knowing 2 other people on campus that I could truly say I trusted. Friendships were just forming and it was going to take me time.
The leader of our small group was an upper classman and he announced one day that we were going to play the "Trust" game. Right then and there the panic alarms were sounding inside my brain. What do you mean, the trust game... I don't even know you.... don't even know what the game is but I already knew that this was not going to be pretty.
So, the premise of the game is that everyone is to form a circle and one by one we would take turns standing in the middle of the circle. Then we were to fold our arms across our chest, close our eyes and just fall back. Ummmm... excuse me? Just fall back... with my eyes closed... and trust that this 90 pound boy or girl to my left or right is going to catch me? I'd rather be thrown into the creek on campus.. or eat a vegetable (which is saying a lot!). So, one by one, the other group members cheerfully took their turns... totally trusting that someone would catch them and they would bounce back into the middle of the circle. And each and every one of them did. Even the scrawny looking kids were pulling their weight so to speak. Even though I saw this was sucessful and no one was falling, I still didn't believe it was going to work for me... I could not trust that I wouldn't fall. I could not trust these strangers! So, finally it was my turn. I got in the middle of the circle and ... FROZE... I closed my eyes, put my arms across my chest...but could not let myself fall back. Gripped with fear... not trusting in anyone. I started to fall back and when I didn't feel someone right behind me to catch me.. I shot forward to regain my balance and walked out of the circle and off to the side.
I think, in hindsight, it was the turning point for me about trusting people. Although I didn't succeed in the task, I realized what a problem this was. I can trust Jesus with my life.. can't see him, but I know he is there always. I just needed His help in learning to trust others. Not to be reckless in just trusting everyone, but to let the walls down. 18 years worth of walls needed to be chipped way at. I don't know if they are all down.. but I know I've made a ton of progress. It's much easier for me to form friendships and easier to trust (with caution).
I often wonder if I played the Trust game today if I'd be able to do it... I think I should give it a try.
No comments:
Post a Comment