The Revelation

As I walked down the corridor leading to the operating room, I looked back tearfully at my husband.  The last two minutes had totally rocked my world and my sanity.  Up until then, I was relatively at ease regarding my upcoming gall bladder removal operation.  I had the best surgeon and hematologist in NYC on my medical team and I was was in a fantastic hospital.  That gave me a sense of assurance.  But, as I was walking towards the operating room reflecting on those things, God had quietly whispered something to me that brought on the tears and convicted my heart.  All at once, the tears started flowing and I felt so ashamed.  You see, I prayed that God would watch over me during the surgery and to especially take care of my blood disorder so there would be no complications.  I thanked God for the surgeons, doctors and the hospital that I was in.   In my heart I knew that I felt confident because I had the BEST.. best surgeon and  best hospital so it eased my fear.  And that's when God said to me, " But Beth.. I have been with you all along.  You should have had confidence in ME all along..but you feel at ease right now because of the people I have placed in your path.  You should draw your strength and confidence from ME alone.  "   I cried.. I repented.. I told the Lord that I was sorry for not finding my confidence in Him.  I wished I had more time to talk to God and tell Him how much I loved Him and how thankful I am for all he has done for me and to tell Him that I DID believe that he was in charge and would see me through.  But my time was up.  I was in the operating room.  The anesthesia was being applied.  So, I just whispered  "I love you Lord.. I trust in YOU. "

I know that God uses doctors and physicians.. I am not knocking that at all.  In fact, I know that God orchestrated everything leading up to my surgery.  It's just that my fears were so great that I forgot to remember that peace and comfort should only come from knowing the Great Physician, while being thankful for those he uses to tend to our needs. 

The operation was a great success with no complications...and I am more careful to remember that God is the giver of peace and comfort ..even in our greatest hour of fear. 

"The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them." (Psalm 145: 18-19)